- 6 attempts at writing a syllabus, only slightly hampered by the fact that nobody at the school is answering any of my emails about school policies/class requirements. (Syllabus writing is slightly more hampered by my incredible apathy and sarcasm. But only slightly.)
- 3 posters aquired. My classroom could comfortably fit my entire apartment with room to spare, so I might want to figure that out shortly. Like...now.
- Projection equipment: This is a big improvement. In June, I was about 50% sure I'd have to buy a projector because the school would flake out on getting one. I talked to some people, though. Now I'm closer to 90% sure. (Hey, any kind of certainty is at a premium right now.)
- Unit plans: Um...I read a lot of short stories, so that unit will be great. I also, however, re-read Color of Water and re-realized that it might have been THE stupidest book choice ever. Seriously. I thought making 9th graders in DC read the whole Odyssey was kind of evil. Nope. This trumps it.
- Aquire some means of contacting my administration, via cell phone, smoke signals, bounty hunters, homing pigeons...I'm starting to wonder if maybe Walbrook just hires a bunch of extras from Central Casting to pose as administration for interviews, because they're somewhat impossible to find after that point.
Bah, syllabi. My drafts are getting increasingly sarcastic and honest with every re-write.
The introduction: "Welcome to English 9. I'm Ms. O'Sullivan, but you can call me Satan, because I'll be making your life hell for the next 9 months. But let's be fair--you'll do the same to me. It'll be great."
Class rules: 1. Be nice. 2. Be nice...or else. 3. Do your $%^& work, you brats. 4. Take Shakespeare's name in vain at your own risk. 5. Cell phones are welcome in class. We all love endlessly looped repeats of "Low." And yes, after the 9th repeat, I will sing along and you will die of embarrassment that we listen to the same music.
Extra credit: 1 extra credit point per slaughtered roach. Bring me its head as proof, on a little toothpick. I'm mounting them above the door as a warning to their brethren, a la the Tower of London. Game on. This can save your grade.
Curriculum: I will follow all posted BCPSS mandates(at least, the ones I can get my hands on). If you believe I am in error, please have your parents bring their copy of the curriculum to the conference. (Seriously. If they can get me a copy of the fucking thing with all the crazy handouts I'm legally required to pass out but never actually recieve, I'll just give you an A. Please.)
Plagiarism: Kid, if I can't tell that you're copying after a month of reading your poorly constructed essays, I deserve to be shot.
...If, after reading all of that, you wonder why I don't get a job I actually like, you clearly don't know me very well. I'm incredibly exited!!! Next week, I think I'll go school supply shopping!
Seriously, if I can keep this mindset for a month, I'll be convinced the God does actually look out for idiots. Things are going so well. Socially? The scene isn't what it was at college, but hey. We SMC-ers might live farther away, but we're still in contact, and there are some amazing new people to bother. Work? I'm ready to strangle half the administration in Baltimore, but that's because they stand between me and the best ways to reach my class. Mentally? I'm actually doing really well for once (we'll see how long that lasts). Physically? The biggest diabetes flare up was a high blood sugar or two, and those fixed themselves. Romantically? You've all heard me gushing and purring, so I'll just shut up.
Don't get me wrong; I know this can't last and something is going to blow up in my face at any second. But right now...I'm coasting and loving it.
Now to finish that godawful syllabus. "Rule one: We do not talk about English Club. Rule 2: We do not..."
2 comments:
You need to show up the first day in a drill sergeant's outfit. Put the fear of God into the kids early.
And with cell phones, adopt Professor Meadows' policy: if the phone rings in class, the teacher gets to answer it.
Sounds like you're all set. For once a teacher will be honest about being in league with dark forces. You should totally get yourself a plushy Cthulhu (if you don't have one yet) and put it near the American flag for when the kids have to do the pledge of allegiance. Then you can imagine that they're actually joining the cult.
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